My dear friend

I thought of doing long, happy posts during the holidays.
To make up for what I've not been updating.

But all of a sudden, out of the blue,
You told me that the bond between us isn't strong enough.
Surprisingly, the words cut deeper than I thought.
I don't know what to say...you got me speechless, but still I admire your straightforwardness.
I adore you for your unique personality and ability in probably everything, you weren't my best friend yet, but certainly you already had a place in my heart. Even though what you said blew me away. You even made me tear up. But sometimes, crying makes me realise exactly how much I appreciate your presence, and how lucky I am to have met someone as great as you.

As much as I hate how this bothers me, I sincerely hope there is a way to save this friendship. I may be no one or just a mere friend to you, but just reviewing back from now to the first day I met you, you really are someone whom I wish could stay. You really are someone. =)
But..for the time being, I can just wait and hope. But if it doesn't resolve.....
Then, I wouldn't pursue it any further, and let time and fate do the job.
I just hope... that it wouldn't have to be that way.


I don't wanna lose anyone, anymore.

New life

=)
A short, sweet post xD
College soon.

I will miss my family and friends, dearly.
Even though I'm not really far from home. The place I'd be at still won't be home... Not without you guys.
Loads of stuff happening lately.
Got really awesome presents from friends who went for trips =)
THANK YOU PEOPLE! <3
Had movie day with my homies! :D  Mikey, Pay and Heng! :)
Chilled with Andy for 2 days in a week? lol   MOVIEEEEEE :D
fyi., I don't quite like The Tourist :P

Have been eating heap loads...
Which means TWO things for me---
ONE- I'm happy, therefore I'm eating a lot.
TWO- I have to start working out like mad and start losing weight D:

So much for New Year's resolutions ><
FAIL for now x) isshhh :P

I'm giving this post an abrupt ending =P
Suddenly lost the mood to blog any further.

OH I just realised it's the ninth! =O
Time flies =)
meh xD

All the best to everyone!! =D

31/12/2010

Back by popular demand? x)

So today is officially the last day of 2010. 

I would like to sum up everything that has happened! ...but you know I'm only human and that is IMPOSSIBLE!
I'll probably split the post into 3 parts  lol ><

I'll start with the various feelings. It's easier to say in mandarin which is 甜酸苦辣..

But it'll try to keep it as "english" as possible.  -_-

I've been through a lot in this year, well I'm pretty sure everyone has their story to tell, but this would probably be mostly about me. Well, this IS my blog aye? =)

I'll start from really bad, sickening feelings to the happiest moments of this year.  2010!

Hurt.

I'm pretty sure everyone has been through hurt more or less in a year. 

Whether you lost someone you love, your best friend, relative...

I'm pretty sure no one wants anyone they love to leave, but sometimes it's life and it's inevitable that time does it's job. And no matter how much you want time to turn back.. the person you love is already six feet below. What's left is the beautiful memories you once had with that loved one.

Well, this is a kind of hurt, which everyone does NOT want to go through...

I went through hurt over and over again. At certain times, I still pine, deep down inside .. pining for their return, longing to have maybe JUST another day, for me to spend with them and tell them how I really feel inside.. and how I love them.

If only I had another day...

Anxiety.
When I was studying for the SPM.
I don't know about you guys. But I normally only feel pressured a day or two before the actual examination =\
Yeah, I'm lazy. x)  I won't disagree.
But the anxiety normally occurs after I've passed up my paper -__- oh the irony ><

Fear.
When I knew something was not right in several events.
The fear of losing someone. The fear of failing a test. The fear of disappointing my parents. The fear of injuries.


Happy, joyful.
When I am happy, I would put on the brightest smile on my face. I looked back and realised. I didn't capture down many of such moments. =)  Or rather, the things that really made me smile has faded from my memory, pale as ink.. Right now, no matter how I think back of certain events... I don't seem to feel flattered or happy anymore, well maybe it was because more poison was spilled on the beautiful, fragile memory.. was too much to even taste the sweetness anymore.
I found refuge with my gang, my buddies, my homies!
I went out with them, had group studies with them, chatted with them and I didn't care whether they treated me more to a brother rather than just a female friend! Well, these people officially changed my mundane routine and slowly but certainly dragged me out from..hell =)
And never leaving out my family, for they have supported me throughout whatever and showed me undying love.

I'm pretty sure everyone loves surprises, gifts or anything like that. =)
I've got loads of presents this year. I've met amazing, wonderful people, and that to me already is a great gift!
I've even teared up just looking at what people wrote to me, how they feel about me, in facebook, in their blogs, wherever =)  They sincerely touched me with their truthful words, I didn't feel a hint of sarcasm at all! x)

To sum up 2010 in words,
It was an amazing year overall. I've learned many many many things through experience.. it doesn't feel good at all. But at least it has made a permanent mark which would constantly remind me to set my priorities straight! =)   I never regretted anything, and hopefully I won't. You've probably heard this a million times but, I truly understand the definition of "life goes on"..for time waits for no man. And, if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.
I apologise if I have ever crossed you in anyway in 2010.
And to the haters, if you don't like me, you can just tick off =)  Your face just hurts my eyes.

Well, thank you everyone! =P

Happy New Year =) 
2011!!  

♥

I ended 2010 well! ♥ I might as well start 2011 even better ;)

It's over

I finished my SPM on the 14th of December, with Chinese being the last subject.
I honestly cannot believe I'm done with High School! =O
How did time pass by..just like that?

Flashbacks of whatever happened within this 5 years are as fresh and vivid as they happened just yesterday.
Time is no joke.
They say "You don't know what you got till it's gone", but sometimes, certain things or events are too brief for us to realise we actually have it.
And we don't feel the pain until we really lose it.
This is life.
And if you really give all, you lose all.
I've learned so much in high school, I've been through just as much.
I've learned to live by a couple of principles to get through the day with smiles and laughter. And trust me it's easier said than done. You're practically God if you ever achieve this state of mind.


I'll be disappearing for a while starting from tomorrow =)


* Ju Yi (Johnny) I was dumbfounded when I received your present. Simple, yet so meaningful.. And I will do as you said =)     Please accept my heartiest gratitude and appreciation!
I hardly get any gifts and yours was unexpected..  THANK YOU SO MUCH!
=')


My holidays officially starts now!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! 

104...

Despite you not being with me for so long.
I've failed to pick up ALL the pieces and move on. Because...
There's some with you.

When you lose someone, someone you love dearly, when they break your heart, it's the hardest thing you could ever go through, and no matter how much time has passed. It never really goes away, you may think it's getting better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest, you fall apart, for the thousandth time. and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out..ever. You love this person with all your heart even though you know you shouldn't, they hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt. They stole everything, and yet you still want them, and only them. Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but it upsets you because of all the promises you made, and even if they broke all their promises, you always..kept yours.
On top of that.. you're terrified.. terrified of getting hurt again, but it's not like it matters anyways, at the end of the day you'll still be thinking about the person who has left you completely broken.
You don't want to miss them anymore, you don't want to love them anymore...
but... you know you always will.
Even though you do not exist in their memory anymore.








Honestly...
it still..hurts...

For the guys.

Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to drink, not to play rough during sports. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.
___________________________________________________

Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. You're taking everything away from her. A part of her. The best part of her, yet you left her broken and alone.
And,
I'm not saying that the girl never makes mistakes.
YES,
she may be oversensitive,
she may be overprotective,
she may be overpossessive.
But it only voices down to one solid reason.
She loves you.
and that may be too much for you.
She loves you.
but maybe she didn't show it in a more appropriate way.

I'm pretty sure, she would if she could.


So guys, if you ever come across a girl who loves you whole-heartedly, with only the intention of spending her whole life with you. Don't let go.
She wants nothing from you,  but only you.


Life's about ups and downs. But a rainy day never lasts forever.
Hold on, work it out.

But if you know, he/she isn't the right one....
... it is wise to let go.

It's October..already.

I've always had dreams.
and
I dream big.
Unlike anything you've ever imagined.

You were a part of it.
Dreams of a very near future.
But now,
as reluctant as ever,
I have to,
slowly erase you... remove you..
from my magnificent dreams.
At first... I couldn't find a place for you in them..
Then I realised, I reserved the most special place in the world for you.
My heart.
You were positioned right beside the most important people in my life.
My family.
Yes, honestly you were.
You were.

As time passes, and as I slowly pull myself out of this.
As I slowly re-gain my senses.
I finally see how different we really are.
We were great in the beginning.
And then came changes, unwanted changes.
You went to a different "environment", surrounded by "different people".
It was because of this, I see how one can change.
Differences make you stronger...

But then I realised, we were too different.
But most importantly,




I realised that.
I didn't lose you...

You lost me instead.
I'm still very much myself.
Just a more experienced "me".


It's October...
Time flies...
I still remember less than 365 days ago.
...
I still remember a year ago.
...

But..what's there to remember...
If the other, has forgotten everything?
With poisonous words spilt on to what we once had as friends.


I can take a few tears every now and then , every once in a while.


I found a very pleasant past-time and "companion".
..
I never realised how lovely she really is.
And how she could temporarily ease the pain.
She reflects my mood sometimes...
The music that comes out from her..
Can be magical... when the right person plays.
And I would like to be the one.

要知道我的心情...就听听我弹的琴... 
我的琴,我的肩膀...


Munn, jia you.