Who really understands? Speechless.

I'm in the midst of my trials. Had my English paper today. Should take a break. But I decided to turn to my blog.

I have no idea what's going on lately.
And I don't know why it's still my fault for everything and you blame me for everything, every single thing possible.. even after this long.
难道,所有都是我的错?
What did I do...
I never get the chance to speak, and when I do, I'll just be lost for words.
I don't know what people think about me now, they can say whatever they like...
路遥知马力,日久见人心
Those who know me, will know and will be able to differentiate rumour from reality.


I found out I had to see a psychologist.
For I'm stereotyped as "crazy".

I normally wouldn't care if people called me that.  But did it have to be him?
I can't view anything of his anymore...
But I still came to know about it.
That got me absolutely speechless.
Feel me? No...no one does.

Disappointed...and hurt.
Did I have to go through all this...to see the real him?
Did I have to lose so many people, so many friends...in the progress?
I never wanted to, but it's all said and done.
I lost myself.

No one sees it, but I myself know best, it really hurts.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A friend wrote a note and condemned him.
haix,  another disappointment.
I apologised to him for what he had done even though I don't know what went on between them.
It's the only thing I could do, I wanted him to remove the note, but to no avail.

People should understand that no matter how bad or imperfect that someone is, we should not condemn him or her in public, it shows how immature you are.
I was even a part of the note... I never knew he noticed... I'm not close friends with that boy at all, but yet he stood up for me...
I thank you for noticing changes in me, but I would still like you to delete the note you wrote.
It's not right...


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

年光似鸟翩翩过,世事如棋局局新.

As time, unforgiving as ever creeps by....
I know my time...here is very limited..
the memories linger, vivid as ever.
reluctant to not remember,
but I see a new horizon.
not long from now...


sighs.

 一直都附上满满及真诚的爱。。不管于家人或朋友都一样。。一直都希望让身边的人都过得快乐。。或许爱的方法错了，但请不要去质疑那份爱。。因为那份爱是真诚的。。没半点虚伪。。

或许爱的方法错了，有时候让一些人透不了气。。但请不要去质疑和怀疑那份爱，那份爱是真挚的。。只是每个人爱的方法不同。。

受伤的伤口会疼痛，复原后的伤口仍会留下疤痕。。一旦被伤害就很难再走出来，因为内心深处已藏着一个受过伤的疤痕。。愈是信任，背叛愈深。。愈是爱，伤害愈大。。




Only the people I love, can hurt me.
I don't show how much it tears me apart inside when you cut me with words. I appear cool,calm,stone-cold. Without a speck of emotion.
But how could you possibly see the other side of me?
I've trained myself each and every day since a month ago, to appear strong because I do not need pity from any one at all. If I break down, lose myself in front of you, it only means that your presence can be a temporary shelter for this ragged soul of mine. It's not a big deal, but if I've run to you when I had problems it only means you're someone I love, care about and most importantly trust. I've got lovely people around me.
I've got friends I don't wanna lose for life, just because their amazing like that.

And I've got a family who's got my back through whatever.
But you guys have to understand me.
I may not be the best daughter in the world. I may even be too much at times.
But you won't find no one else like me. We may have quarrelled and fought, numerous times.
We may have different outlooks, personality, perspectives. But we still stand as one.
And
Life's too short for me to have sleepless nights.
I'm only human. So think twice before you talk?
I don't fight back, only coz I love you. And I may have some respect for you, so don't push it.

Oh there are too many types of love. But all of them can hurt equally.

Feel me?
Burn.

因为有你，我认真过，我改变过，我努力过，我悲伤过…

我傻，为你傻；我痛，为你痛；深夜里，你是我一种惯性的回忆…

我不想在为过去而挣扎，我不想在为过去而努力，我不想在为思念而牵挂，可这些都只是不想，我、做不到…

有一种坚持是心痛，有一种放弃是孤独；生命里剩下的只有等待与思念…

经历一些事，就读懂一些人…

看不透事实的真相，诺言、谎言、开始、结局；真像是躲避不了的寂寞，和寂寞打交道，孤独半生遗忘在某角落里偷窥别人的幸福…

有一种感觉叫学会；有一种后悔叫心碎，时间一天一天的过去，累计一点一点的心痛，直到无法承受，心已死去，你会发现：爱有多深，痛就有多浓。

爱过方知情深，醉过后方知酒浓；不爱了还有什么是差距，不想了还有什么是比例．？

当你喜欢一个人的时候，你会怎样做．？

你会不会每夜因为想他而不能眠；当你喜欢一个不喜欢自己的人，你会怎么做．？

一个人单恋．？一个人痛苦．？还是要为他打拼，为他做更多事，看着他幸福自己就会幸福．？

也许是我爱的太无奈，明知道没有结果却偏往死里爱；

或许是爱的越深，伤的越痛，却、越痛越爱！低头、沉默、蹲墙角、数泪…心在说谎，泪在投降！

因为害怕伤害，所以选择离开…

 

因为有你，恋爱的感觉、有过；背叛的感觉、有过；离别的感觉、有过；最后，甚至连死的感觉都有过，一直等待着你的回头，最后却换来心碎的迷离…

这个世界只有你，才能让我明白，什么是爱，什么是痛，痛！已经麻痹了我，无所谓只会让我伤的更深，只怪自己太执着才会让你伤的如此彻底，看着你的离开，我低头苦笑，眼泪却早已投降，渐渐的才发现你是多么可笑，慢慢地走进我的世界悄悄的偷走我的心，最后却默默地看着你的背影头也不回的离开，走的如此彻底、你的离开让我明白：

原来爱情那么脆弱，总是经不起这点折腾，却、我还是选择等待…

我瞧不起那卑微的爱情，带走了我的思念，留下的只是那苦涩的回忆.

仰望45度只为了那个亘古不变的道理，不想让眼泪落下…

无所谓的执着，让爱亵读着寂寞，或许我会离开，只因为爱的太深，陷的太深，伤的太深…爱加深了理解，痛失去了知觉，心痛让我明白.爱；只是无所谓的徘徊！

恋爱时，我们彼此忘记了时间，分手后，时间让我们忘记了彼此，心痛让我找到了沉默的借口，十指紧紧相扣，默念天荒地老…你给我的爱假的太逼真，让我找不到离开的理由，人不到伤痕累累就不会懂得后悔，我是真的爱你，脸上写着无所谓，其实还是很在乎！

人生就像一场戏，谁在为我编排…

你不知道的事

This young woman captivated me the first time I saw her video.
and the lyrics...
ahhh, just listen to it or google it (:




4 September,2010.

Citibox after celebrating Pao's bday at..Seoul Garden.
I like this picture (:

eyes closed ><

Why do I even bother to take pictures? =.=
My face is so priceless o.o

It's been exactly a month...
And I couldn't figure out...why he did what he did just a day before... :(
And because of that...
I didn't really want to go to John's bday party,
Wasn't in the mood and
I was afraid I couldn't take the memories that lingered at SG....
...I decided to go anyways.

I wanted to wear what I wore almost a year ago. I would like to feel just like there and then,
but... my jeans were a few sizes too big for me now..
I never thought... I would be what I am right now..
Not bad... I should keep up the not-bad job,
Slow, but there's improvement, and I still got loads of room for improvement =)
Munn,jiayou!

 Went there straight from tuition..So, I reached there half an hour late. D:
Was rather shy to step in. Saw Richard and friends walking around already.
Seriously awkward =(
So I walked in lo...
Saw the place I sat almost a year ago occupied T_T
But I managed to sit at the same table...good enough.
I glanced around... saw John,greeted him, wished him.
But.. he was the one who really caught my eyes.
Was shocked,surprised to see him, sitting there at the opposite far end of the table.
I can't really describe how I felt.
Sad in a sense because I'm here, in SG again, and he's there. But we just ain't the same no more.
This really got me pining...
lost in the labyrinth of the tenacious memories.
The sound of his laughter brought me back to reality and I realised I was hungry =.=
So, I ate ate ate ate ate.
But in the process of eating, I had very very tiny oil splashes on my arm.
ouchhh, I never knew he went through that,
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!! D:
才发现我是曾经那么依赖着你.
Don't even know how to grill my own food 
-.-


So close,yet so far.
Oh, the distance between something once so beautiful...
It's the silence that kills.
for nothing more...can be said or done.
Even words, beautiful, haunting words... can never describe what a writer really feels.
All she can do is give a very shallow description of how she really feels.
With several dull,overused words like happy,glad,good,sad,pain, hurt.
But it takes a whole lot to understand what she's really going through,

Ever had those times when you just really wanna talk to someone
but just can't find the words to say and you give up and just keep everything to yourself?
Because no one seems to understand and no one bothers to care.
yeh, that's life.
I figured that out :)


Crap, I've gone way too far =.=
OK so after we were done with SG..
we were standing outside SG like a couple of idiots
before deciding to join the others in Citibox for Karaoke lol
Went into room 5 where almost everyone was there.
c.r.o.w.d.e.d
I was about to squeeze in the room as well
but then "Enrique" called me out lol
then
we chilled alone for awhile.
Then went back into the K-room lol.

Was standing and listening to the girls sing.
Honestly, they look really cute when they sing (:
oh oh oh and I sang... in front of some people.
I hope they didn't see how much I blushed.
shy..>.<
Never sung in front of my friends.
shy..>.<

I chose the song "My Boo" since I wasn't really clear of the lyrics (:
And the song only came up when everyone left LOL
So I got to sing that song as badly as I wanted to =)
But of course... Shao Wei was there -.-
He didn't know that song at all but sang along anyways roflmao
shoooo funnny :D
We then rapped to JayChou's songs even though we were practically mumbling -_-
Then, time out.
-.-
So he went to room 15 and I went home.



It was really nice, seeing him well.
Honestly, most of the things I do still have vivid memories of him there.
Whenever I play "Right here waiting for you" on the piano,
or listen to certain songs.
His smile appears quite automatically.
A smile of pure friendship and honesty,
the most beautiful of them all.


Well, gotta start packing,
I'm wayyyy behind my schedule (:
Good night, blog.