I finished my SPM on the 14th of December, with Chinese being the last subject.
I honestly cannot believe I'm done with High School! =O
How did time pass by..just like that?
Flashbacks of whatever happened within this 5 years are as fresh and vivid as they happened just yesterday.
Time is no joke.
They say "You don't know what you got till it's gone", but sometimes, certain things or events are too brief for us to realise we actually have it.
And we don't feel the pain until we really lose it.
This is life.
And if you really give all, you lose all.
I've learned so much in high school, I've been through just as much.
I've learned to live by a couple of principles to get through the day with smiles and laughter. And trust me it's easier said than done. You're practically God if you ever achieve this state of mind.
I'll be disappearing for a while starting from tomorrow =)
* Ju Yi (Johnny) I was dumbfounded when I received your present. Simple, yet so meaningful.. And I will do as you said =) Please accept my heartiest gratitude and appreciation!
I hardly get any gifts and yours was unexpected.. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
=')
My holidays officially starts now!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
104...
Despite you not being with me for so long.
I've failed to pick up ALL the pieces and move on. Because...
There's some with you.
When you lose someone, someone you love dearly, when they break your heart, it's the hardest thing you could ever go through, and no matter how much time has passed. It never really goes away, you may think it's getting better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest, you fall apart, for the thousandth time. and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out..ever. You love this person with all your heart even though you know you shouldn't, they hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt. They stole everything, and yet you still want them, and only them. Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but it upsets you because of all the promises you made, and even if they broke all their promises, you always..kept yours.
On top of that.. you're terrified.. terrified of getting hurt again, but it's not like it matters anyways, at the end of the day you'll still be thinking about the person who has left you completely broken.
You don't want to miss them anymore, you don't want to love them anymore...
but... you know you always will.
Even though you do not exist in their memory anymore.
Honestly...
it still..hurts...
I've failed to pick up ALL the pieces and move on. Because...
There's some with you.
When you lose someone, someone you love dearly, when they break your heart, it's the hardest thing you could ever go through, and no matter how much time has passed. It never really goes away, you may think it's getting better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest, you fall apart, for the thousandth time. and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out..ever. You love this person with all your heart even though you know you shouldn't, they hurt you worse than you've ever been hurt. They stole everything, and yet you still want them, and only them. Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but it upsets you because of all the promises you made, and even if they broke all their promises, you always..kept yours.
On top of that.. you're terrified.. terrified of getting hurt again, but it's not like it matters anyways, at the end of the day you'll still be thinking about the person who has left you completely broken.
You don't want to miss them anymore, you don't want to love them anymore...
but... you know you always will.
Even though you do not exist in their memory anymore.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
For the guys.
Boy: I broke up with her.
His Best Friend: What happened?
Boy: She’s just too much for me.
His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to drink, not to play rough during sports. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..
Boy: Well, she..
His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.
___________________________________________________
Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. You're taking everything away from her. A part of her. The best part of her, yet you left her broken and alone.
And,
I'm not saying that the girl never makes mistakes.
YES,
she may be oversensitive,
she may be overprotective,
she may be overpossessive.
But it only voices down to one solid reason.
She loves you.
and that may be too much for you.
She loves you.
but maybe she didn't show it in a more appropriate way.
I'm pretty sure, she would if she could.
So guys, if you ever come across a girl who loves you whole-heartedly, with only the intention of spending her whole life with you. Don't let go.
She wants nothing from you, but only you.
Life's about ups and downs. But a rainy day never lasts forever.
Hold on, work it out.
But if you know, he/she isn't the right one....
... it is wise to let go.
His Best Friend: What happened?
Boy: She’s just too much for me.
His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..
Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to drink, not to play rough during sports. She’s so clingy!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..
Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..
Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it.
His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..
Boy: Well, she..
His Best Friend: You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.
___________________________________________________
Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. You're taking everything away from her. A part of her. The best part of her, yet you left her broken and alone.
And,
I'm not saying that the girl never makes mistakes.
YES,
she may be oversensitive,
she may be overprotective,
she may be overpossessive.
But it only voices down to one solid reason.
She loves you.
and that may be too much for you.
She loves you.
but maybe she didn't show it in a more appropriate way.
I'm pretty sure, she would if she could.
So guys, if you ever come across a girl who loves you whole-heartedly, with only the intention of spending her whole life with you. Don't let go.
She wants nothing from you, but only you.
Life's about ups and downs. But a rainy day never lasts forever.
Hold on, work it out.
But if you know, he/she isn't the right one....
... it is wise to let go.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
It's October..already.
I've always had dreams.
and
I dream big.
Unlike anything you've ever imagined.
You were a part of it.
Dreams of a very near future.
But now,
as reluctant as ever,
I have to,
slowly erase you... remove you..
from my magnificent dreams.
At first... I couldn't find a place for you in them..
Then I realised, I reserved the most special place in the world for you.
My heart.
You were positioned right beside the most important people in my life.
My family.
Yes, honestly you were.
You were.
As time passes, and as I slowly pull myself out of this.
As I slowly re-gain my senses.
I finally see how different we really are.
We were great in the beginning.
And then came changes, unwanted changes.
You went to a different "environment", surrounded by "different people".
It was because of this, I see how one can change.
Differences make you stronger...
But then I realised, we were too different.
But most importantly,
I realised that.
I didn't lose you...
You lost me instead.
I'm still very much myself.
Just a more experienced "me".
It's October...
Time flies...
I still remember less than 365 days ago.
...
I still remember a year ago.
...
But..what's there to remember...
If the other, has forgotten everything?
With poisonous words spilt on to what we once had as friends.
I can take a few tears every now and then , every once in a while.
I found a very pleasant past-time and "companion".
..
I never realised how lovely she really is.
And how she could temporarily ease the pain.
She reflects my mood sometimes...
The music that comes out from her..
Can be magical... when the right person plays.
And I would like to be the one.
要知道我的心情...就听听我弹的琴...
我的琴,我的肩膀...
Munn, jia you.
and
I dream big.
Unlike anything you've ever imagined.
You were a part of it.
Dreams of a very near future.
But now,
as reluctant as ever,
I have to,
slowly erase you... remove you..
from my magnificent dreams.
At first... I couldn't find a place for you in them..
Then I realised, I reserved the most special place in the world for you.
My heart.
You were positioned right beside the most important people in my life.
My family.
Yes, honestly you were.
You were.
As time passes, and as I slowly pull myself out of this.
As I slowly re-gain my senses.
I finally see how different we really are.
We were great in the beginning.
And then came changes, unwanted changes.
You went to a different "environment", surrounded by "different people".
It was because of this, I see how one can change.
Differences make you stronger...
But then I realised, we were too different.
But most importantly,
I realised that.
I didn't lose you...
You lost me instead.
I'm still very much myself.
Just a more experienced "me".
It's October...
Time flies...
I still remember less than 365 days ago.
...
I still remember a year ago.
...
But..what's there to remember...
If the other, has forgotten everything?
With poisonous words spilt on to what we once had as friends.
I can take a few tears every now and then , every once in a while.
I found a very pleasant past-time and "companion".
..
I never realised how lovely she really is.
And how she could temporarily ease the pain.
She reflects my mood sometimes...
The music that comes out from her..
Can be magical... when the right person plays.
And I would like to be the one.
要知道我的心情...就听听我弹的琴...
我的琴,我的肩膀...
Munn, jia you.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Who really understands? Speechless.
I'm in the midst of my trials. Had my English paper today. Should take a break. But I decided to turn to my blog.
I have no idea what's going on lately.
And I don't know why it's still my fault for everything and you blame me for everything, every single thing possible.. even after this long.
难道,所有都是我的错?
What did I do...
I never get the chance to speak, and when I do, I'll just be lost for words.
I don't know what people think about me now, they can say whatever they like...
路遥知马力,日久见人心
Those who know me, will know and will be able to differentiate rumour from reality.
I found out I had to see a psychologist.
For I'm stereotyped as "crazy".
I normally wouldn't care if people called me that. But did it have to be him?
I can't view anything of his anymore...
But I still came to know about it.
That got me absolutely speechless.
Feel me? No...no one does.
Disappointed...and hurt.
Did I have to go through all this...to see the real him?
Did I have to lose so many people, so many friends...in the progress?
I never wanted to, but it's all said and done.
I lost myself.
No one sees it, but I myself know best, it really hurts.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A friend wrote a note and condemned him.
haix, another disappointment.
I apologised to him for what he had done even though I don't know what went on between them.
It's the only thing I could do, I wanted him to remove the note, but to no avail.
People should understand that no matter how bad or imperfect that someone is, we should not condemn him or her in public, it shows how immature you are.
I was even a part of the note... I never knew he noticed... I'm not close friends with that boy at all, but yet he stood up for me...
I thank you for noticing changes in me, but I would still like you to delete the note you wrote.
It's not right...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
年光似鸟翩翩过,世事如棋局局新.
As time, unforgiving as ever creeps by....
I know my time...here is very limited..
the memories linger, vivid as ever.
reluctant to not remember,
but I see a new horizon.
not long from now...
sighs.
I have no idea what's going on lately.
And I don't know why it's still my fault for everything and you blame me for everything, every single thing possible.. even after this long.
难道,所有都是我的错?
What did I do...
I never get the chance to speak, and when I do, I'll just be lost for words.
I don't know what people think about me now, they can say whatever they like...
路遥知马力,日久见人心
Those who know me, will know and will be able to differentiate rumour from reality.
I found out I had to see a psychologist.
For I'm stereotyped as "crazy".
I normally wouldn't care if people called me that. But did it have to be him?
I can't view anything of his anymore...
But I still came to know about it.
That got me absolutely speechless.
Feel me? No...no one does.
Disappointed...and hurt.
Did I have to go through all this...to see the real him?
Did I have to lose so many people, so many friends...in the progress?
I never wanted to, but it's all said and done.
I lost myself.
No one sees it, but I myself know best, it really hurts.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A friend wrote a note and condemned him.
haix, another disappointment.
I apologised to him for what he had done even though I don't know what went on between them.
It's the only thing I could do, I wanted him to remove the note, but to no avail.
People should understand that no matter how bad or imperfect that someone is, we should not condemn him or her in public, it shows how immature you are.
I was even a part of the note... I never knew he noticed... I'm not close friends with that boy at all, but yet he stood up for me...
I thank you for noticing changes in me, but I would still like you to delete the note you wrote.
It's not right...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
年光似鸟翩翩过,世事如棋局局新.
As time, unforgiving as ever creeps by....
I know my time...here is very limited..
the memories linger, vivid as ever.
reluctant to not remember,
but I see a new horizon.
not long from now...
sighs.
Friday, September 10, 2010
一直都附上满满及真诚的爱。。不管于家人或朋友都一样。。一直都希望让身边的人都过得快乐。。或许爱的方法错了，但请不要去质疑那份爱。。因为那份爱是真诚的。。没半点虚伪。。
或许爱的方法错了，有时候让一些人透不了气。。但请不要去质疑和怀疑那份爱，那份爱是真挚的。。只是每个人爱的方法不同。。
受伤的伤口会疼痛，复原后的伤口仍会留下疤痕。。一旦被伤害就很难再走出来，因为内心深处已藏着一个受过伤的疤痕。。愈是信任，背叛愈深。。愈是爱，伤害愈大。。
Only the people I love, can hurt me.
I don't show how much it tears me apart inside when you cut me with words. I appear cool,calm,stone-cold. Without a speck of emotion.
But how could you possibly see the other side of me?
I've trained myself each and every day since a month ago, to appear strong because I do not need pity from any one at all. If I break down, lose myself in front of you, it only means that your presence can be a temporary shelter for this ragged soul of mine. It's not a big deal, but if I've run to you when I had problems it only means you're someone I love, care about and most importantly trust. I've got lovely people around me.
I've got friends I don't wanna lose for life, just because their amazing like that.
And I've got a family who's got my back through whatever.
But you guys have to understand me.
I may not be the best daughter in the world. I may even be too much at times.
But you won't find no one else like me. We may have quarrelled and fought, numerous times.
We may have different outlooks, personality, perspectives. But we still stand as one.
And
Life's too short for me to have sleepless nights.
I'm only human. So think twice before you talk?
I don't fight back, only coz I love you. And I may have some respect for you, so don't push it.
Oh there are too many types of love. But all of them can hurt equally.
Feel me?
Burn.
或许爱的方法错了，有时候让一些人透不了气。。但请不要去质疑和怀疑那份爱，那份爱是真挚的。。只是每个人爱的方法不同。。
受伤的伤口会疼痛，复原后的伤口仍会留下疤痕。。一旦被伤害就很难再走出来，因为内心深处已藏着一个受过伤的疤痕。。愈是信任，背叛愈深。。愈是爱，伤害愈大。。
Only the people I love, can hurt me.
I don't show how much it tears me apart inside when you cut me with words. I appear cool,calm,stone-cold. Without a speck of emotion.
But how could you possibly see the other side of me?
I've trained myself each and every day since a month ago, to appear strong because I do not need pity from any one at all. If I break down, lose myself in front of you, it only means that your presence can be a temporary shelter for this ragged soul of mine. It's not a big deal, but if I've run to you when I had problems it only means you're someone I love, care about and most importantly trust. I've got lovely people around me.
I've got friends I don't wanna lose for life, just because their amazing like that.
And I've got a family who's got my back through whatever.
But you guys have to understand me.
I may not be the best daughter in the world. I may even be too much at times.
But you won't find no one else like me. We may have quarrelled and fought, numerous times.
We may have different outlooks, personality, perspectives. But we still stand as one.
And
Life's too short for me to have sleepless nights.
I'm only human. So think twice before you talk?
I don't fight back, only coz I love you. And I may have some respect for you, so don't push it.
Oh there are too many types of love. But all of them can hurt equally.
Feel me?
Burn.
因为有你，我认真过，我改变过，我努力过，我悲伤过…
我傻，为你傻；我痛，为你痛；深夜里，你是我一种惯性的回忆…
我不想在为过去而挣扎，我不想在为过去而努力，我不想在为思念而牵挂，可这些都只是不想，我、做不到…
有一种坚持是心痛，有一种放弃是孤独；生命里剩下的只有等待与思念…
经历一些事，就读懂一些人…
看不透事实的真相，诺言、谎言、开始、结局；真像是躲避不了的寂寞，和寂寞打交道，孤独半生遗忘在某角落里偷窥别人的幸福…
有一种感觉叫学会；有一种后悔叫心碎，时间一天一天的过去，累计一点一点的心痛，直到无法承受，心已死去，你会发现：爱有多深，痛就有多浓。
爱过方知情深，醉过后方知酒浓；不爱了还有什么是差距，不想了还有什么是比例．？
当你喜欢一个人的时候，你会怎样做．？
你会不会每夜因为想他而不能眠；当你喜欢一个不喜欢自己的人，你会怎么做．？
一个人单恋．？一个人痛苦．？还是要为他打拼，为他做更多事，看着他幸福自己就会幸福．？
也许是我爱的太无奈，明知道没有结果却偏往死里爱；
或许是爱的越深，伤的越痛，却、越痛越爱！低头、沉默、蹲墙角、数泪…心在说谎，泪在投降！
因为害怕伤害，所以选择离开…
因为有你，恋爱的感觉、有过；背叛的感觉、有过；离别的感觉、有过；最后，甚至连死的感觉都有过，一直等待着你的回头，最后却换来心碎的迷离…
这个世界只有你，才能让我明白，什么是爱，什么是痛，痛！已经麻痹了我，无所谓只会让我伤的更深，只怪自己太执着才会让你伤的如此彻底，看着你的离开，我低头苦笑，眼泪却早已投降，渐渐的才发现你是多么可笑，慢慢地走进我的世界悄悄的偷走我的心，最后却默默地看着你的背影头也不回的离开，走的如此彻底、你的离开让我明白：
原来爱情那么脆弱，总是经不起这点折腾，却、我还是选择等待…
我瞧不起那卑微的爱情，带走了我的思念，留下的只是那苦涩的回忆.
仰望45度只为了那个亘古不变的道理，不想让眼泪落下…
无所谓的执着，让爱亵读着寂寞，或许我会离开，只因为爱的太深，陷的太深，伤的太深…爱加深了理解，痛失去了知觉，心痛让我明白.爱；只是无所谓的徘徊！
恋爱时，我们彼此忘记了时间，分手后，时间让我们忘记了彼此，心痛让我找到了沉默的借口，十指紧紧相扣，默念天荒地老…你给我的爱假的太逼真，让我找不到离开的理由，人不到伤痕累累就不会懂得后悔，我是真的爱你，脸上写着无所谓，其实还是很在乎！
人生就像一场戏，谁在为我编排…
我傻，为你傻；我痛，为你痛；深夜里，你是我一种惯性的回忆…
我不想在为过去而挣扎，我不想在为过去而努力，我不想在为思念而牵挂，可这些都只是不想，我、做不到…
有一种坚持是心痛，有一种放弃是孤独；生命里剩下的只有等待与思念…
经历一些事，就读懂一些人…
看不透事实的真相，诺言、谎言、开始、结局；真像是躲避不了的寂寞，和寂寞打交道，孤独半生遗忘在某角落里偷窥别人的幸福…
有一种感觉叫学会；有一种后悔叫心碎，时间一天一天的过去，累计一点一点的心痛，直到无法承受，心已死去，你会发现：爱有多深，痛就有多浓。
爱过方知情深，醉过后方知酒浓；不爱了还有什么是差距，不想了还有什么是比例．？
当你喜欢一个人的时候，你会怎样做．？
你会不会每夜因为想他而不能眠；当你喜欢一个不喜欢自己的人，你会怎么做．？
一个人单恋．？一个人痛苦．？还是要为他打拼，为他做更多事，看着他幸福自己就会幸福．？
也许是我爱的太无奈，明知道没有结果却偏往死里爱；
或许是爱的越深，伤的越痛，却、越痛越爱！低头、沉默、蹲墙角、数泪…心在说谎，泪在投降！
因为害怕伤害，所以选择离开…
因为有你，恋爱的感觉、有过；背叛的感觉、有过；离别的感觉、有过；最后，甚至连死的感觉都有过，一直等待着你的回头，最后却换来心碎的迷离…
这个世界只有你，才能让我明白，什么是爱，什么是痛，痛！已经麻痹了我，无所谓只会让我伤的更深，只怪自己太执着才会让你伤的如此彻底，看着你的离开，我低头苦笑，眼泪却早已投降，渐渐的才发现你是多么可笑，慢慢地走进我的世界悄悄的偷走我的心，最后却默默地看着你的背影头也不回的离开，走的如此彻底、你的离开让我明白：
原来爱情那么脆弱，总是经不起这点折腾，却、我还是选择等待…
我瞧不起那卑微的爱情，带走了我的思念，留下的只是那苦涩的回忆.
仰望45度只为了那个亘古不变的道理，不想让眼泪落下…
无所谓的执着，让爱亵读着寂寞，或许我会离开，只因为爱的太深，陷的太深，伤的太深…爱加深了理解，痛失去了知觉，心痛让我明白.爱；只是无所谓的徘徊！
恋爱时，我们彼此忘记了时间，分手后，时间让我们忘记了彼此，心痛让我找到了沉默的借口，十指紧紧相扣，默念天荒地老…你给我的爱假的太逼真，让我找不到离开的理由，人不到伤痕累累就不会懂得后悔，我是真的爱你，脸上写着无所谓，其实还是很在乎！
人生就像一场戏，谁在为我编排…
Monday, September 6, 2010
你不知道的事
This young woman captivated me the first time I saw her video.
and the lyrics...
ahhh, just listen to it or google it (:
4 September,2010.
and the lyrics...
ahhh, just listen to it or google it (:
4 September,2010.
 |
| Citibox after celebrating Pao's bday at..Seoul Garden. I like this picture (: |
 |
| eyes closed >< |
 | |
| Why do I even bother to take pictures? =.= My face is so priceless o.o |
It's been exactly a month... And I couldn't figure out...why he did what he did just a day before... :( And because of that... I didn't really want to go to John's bday party, Wasn't in the mood and I was afraid I couldn't take the memories that lingered at SG.... ...I decided to go anyways. I wanted to wear what I wore almost a year ago. I would like to feel just like there and then, but... my jeans were a few sizes too big for me now.. I never thought... I would be what I am right now.. Not bad... I should keep up the not-bad job, Slow, but there's improvement, and I still got loads of room for improvement =) Munn,jiayou! Went there straight from tuition..So, I reached there half an hour late. D: Was rather shy to step in. Saw Richard and friends walking around already. Seriously awkward =( So I walked in lo... Saw the place I sat almost a year ago occupied T_T But I managed to sit at the same table...good enough. I glanced around... saw John,greeted him, wished him. But.. he was the one who really caught my eyes. Was shocked,surprised to see him, sitting there at the opposite far end of the table. I can't really describe how I felt. Sad in a sense because I'm here, in SG again, and he's there. But we just ain't the same no more. This really got me pining... lost in the labyrinth of the tenacious memories. The sound of his laughter brought me back to reality and I realised I was hungry =.= So, I ate ate ate ate ate. But in the process of eating, I had very very tiny oil splashes on my arm. ouchhh, I never knew he went through that, Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!! D: 才发现我是曾经那么依赖着你. Don't even know how to grill my own food -.- So close,yet so far. Oh, the distance between something once so beautiful... It's the silence that kills. for nothing more...can be said or done. Even words, beautiful, haunting words... can never describe what a writer really feels. All she can do is give a very shallow description of how she really feels. With several dull,overused words like happy,glad,good,sad,pain, hurt. But it takes a whole lot to understand what she's really going through, Ever had those times when you just really wanna talk to someone but just can't find the words to say and you give up and just keep everything to yourself? Because no one seems to understand and no one bothers to care. yeh, that's life. I figured that out :) Crap, I've gone way too far =.= OK so after we were done with SG.. we were standing outside SG like a couple of idiots before deciding to join the others in Citibox for Karaoke lol Went into room 5 where almost everyone was there. c.r.o.w.d.e.d I was about to squeeze in the room as well but then "Enrique" called me out lol then we chilled alone for awhile. Then went back into the K-room lol. Was standing and listening to the girls sing. Honestly, they look really cute when they sing (: oh oh oh and I sang... in front of some people. I hope they didn't see how much I blushed. shy..>.< Never sung in front of my friends. shy..>.< I chose the song "My Boo" since I wasn't really clear of the lyrics (: And the song only came up when everyone left LOL So I got to sing that song as badly as I wanted to =) But of course... Shao Wei was there -.- He didn't know that song at all but sang along anyways roflmao shoooo funnny :D We then rapped to JayChou's songs even though we were practically mumbling -_- Then, time out. -.- So he went to room 15 and I went home. It was really nice, seeing him well. Honestly, most of the things I do still have vivid memories of him there. Whenever I play "Right here waiting for you" on the piano, or listen to certain songs. His smile appears quite automatically. A smile of pure friendship and honesty, the most beautiful of them all. Well, gotta start packing, I'm wayyyy behind my schedule (: Good night, blog. |
Thursday, August 5, 2010
说不出的痛 4/8/2010
昨晚说的都是气话.
如此的无情..
如此的痛..
By the way he talked to me.
I know. For sure.
He's letting go...and moving on.
Our 199 days together...was long to him.
Well...maybe it's solely because of what I did. What I am. What I have become.
He knows I care. but I had hurt him in the past. way too much.
I know he cared. but his actions made me doubt him. way too many times.
And whatever I do now, doesn't matter anymore.
It wouldn't change a thing anymore.
I was too sensitive.
And my one move... made him lose all hope.
All the love we had, we shared.
We were very fine before what happened.
I just had to.......
This is it...
Guess he won't feel anything anymore.
This pain....is just too real...
He once told me crying can never solve anything.
I don't want to see tears.
But they have been flowing since last night.
I need them to stop.
I want them to stop.
Because I know... he wouldn't cry for me anymore.
Right now,
I need to tell you that.
I am very sorry. Of every pain I had ever caused you.
I am very sorry, for all the broken dreams. For everything we ever planned and wished for.
With all my heart, I sincerely wish you the best!
=)
Whenever you need a friend, I will still be there.
I don't want you to hate me any further.
Because.... I couldn't possibly dislike you.
=)
Cheers!
Take care of yourself! Big boy le :]
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Recent happenings.
*HIGHLIGHT*
Taekwondo tournament which was held on the national day of the United States of America.
4th of July.
I supposedly went there just for ONE event, that is to take part in the green belt "pattern".
I was already in charge of the documentation for the tournament, and guess what?
I became the MC, photographer,an addition to the sparring event for girls,and the one who gives out food -.-
Waaaa so many roles >.<
Asking me to be the MC is bad enough, I can't speak bahasa well. lol. I must have sounded weird..
As for the photography, well that's ok. I get to carry a dslr everywhere and take a couple hundreds of shots =)
But for the sparring....
goodness.. imagine... I've never really hit anyone before.I'm only a green-belter. And I was kinda "forced" to take part in the sparring event as there weren't enough contestants..
And my opponents are like half my size..
I couldn't imagine them taking a blow on the head or the abdomen from me.
I was up against a red belt for the first round.
She really kicked me o.o
Then... well... I decided to try my kicks..since no one's playing nice..
But when I kicked her.. I saw how she winced. Eventhough my shin hurt from a previous kick from her.. I felt pity for her, for I know... how hard my kick is... =(
Anyways, I won the first match.
I was up agaisnt a black-belt next, Jie En.
huiiyoooo. She's so small, like petite, even shorter than Natalie. How do you suppose I hit her?
So, I let loose. I had tonnes of opportunities to giver her one blow on her head for her to fall.
But.. I just couldn't.
haix, too soft-hearted la.
In the end, I got very nice kicks from her, middle-section, stomach,shin,back -.-
Wanted to fight back, but my one minute was up.
Obviously, I got the 2nd.
but still,
Not bad for a first timer ay? ;)
Everyone at home said... -.-
You should have just kick her, there is no such thing as mercy in tkd sparring.
KILL or get KILLED.
o.o imagine me really kicking her...
>.<
r.i.p lol.
Anways, at least I survived ;)
Natalie got a Gold medal for "green belt pattern".
Oh the shame LOL. But indeed, she is good. =D
I got a silver for sparring, and a bronze for pattern. ^^
**********************************************************************************
I have been pretty popular among the teachers lately.
I have no idea why, but it's really showing right now o.o
I had to go to the staff room to get my math teacher's handbag for her.
So, I went in the staff room lo.
Waaaaa took me 15 minutes weii.
3 teachers were calling for me simultaneously o.o
1st one, about tkd de.
2nd one, about els de.
3rd one, about football de...and had a casual chat with me.
lol teachers *rolls eyes*
then another one said, you've slimmed down a. but that was pretty random, not important, took up 5 seconds of my time xD
Anyways, teachers are being nice to me.
finally? lol.
or maybe I'm just a teacher's pet?
It's ok la, cincai.
Don't scold me can le. I'm so guai. -.-
The things that have been happening around me........
are pretty much unexpected.
In a short month.
I've been through so much.
I've lost a family member,
I've hurt deeply, and vice versa.
I've been really happy.
I've been really sad.
But above all,
I'm tired.
I really need rest.
I wish I could just let go, stop thinking.
and sleep.
I wish money could buy sleep.
I wish I had you around always, so I can hug you to sleep.
I love getting hugs from you.
Well, you're the only perosn I hug anyways <3
mwah.
hug me, im very huggable.
Taekwondo tournament which was held on the national day of the United States of America.
4th of July.
I supposedly went there just for ONE event, that is to take part in the green belt "pattern".
I was already in charge of the documentation for the tournament, and guess what?
I became the MC, photographer,an addition to the sparring event for girls,and the one who gives out food -.-
Waaaa so many roles >.<
Asking me to be the MC is bad enough, I can't speak bahasa well. lol. I must have sounded weird..
As for the photography, well that's ok. I get to carry a dslr everywhere and take a couple hundreds of shots =)
But for the sparring....
goodness.. imagine... I've never really hit anyone before.I'm only a green-belter. And I was kinda "forced" to take part in the sparring event as there weren't enough contestants..
And my opponents are like half my size..
I couldn't imagine them taking a blow on the head or the abdomen from me.
I was up against a red belt for the first round.
She really kicked me o.o
Then... well... I decided to try my kicks..since no one's playing nice..
But when I kicked her.. I saw how she winced. Eventhough my shin hurt from a previous kick from her.. I felt pity for her, for I know... how hard my kick is... =(
Anyways, I won the first match.
I was up agaisnt a black-belt next, Jie En.
huiiyoooo. She's so small, like petite, even shorter than Natalie. How do you suppose I hit her?
So, I let loose. I had tonnes of opportunities to giver her one blow on her head for her to fall.
But.. I just couldn't.
haix, too soft-hearted la.
In the end, I got very nice kicks from her, middle-section, stomach,shin,back -.-
Wanted to fight back, but my one minute was up.
Obviously, I got the 2nd.
but still,
Not bad for a first timer ay? ;)
Everyone at home said... -.-
You should have just kick her, there is no such thing as mercy in tkd sparring.
KILL or get KILLED.
o.o imagine me really kicking her...
>.<
r.i.p lol.
Anways, at least I survived ;)
Natalie got a Gold medal for "green belt pattern".
Oh the shame LOL. But indeed, she is good. =D
I got a silver for sparring, and a bronze for pattern. ^^
**********************************************************************************
I have been pretty popular among the teachers lately.
I have no idea why, but it's really showing right now o.o
I had to go to the staff room to get my math teacher's handbag for her.
So, I went in the staff room lo.
Waaaaa took me 15 minutes weii.
3 teachers were calling for me simultaneously o.o
1st one, about tkd de.
2nd one, about els de.
3rd one, about football de...and had a casual chat with me.
lol teachers *rolls eyes*
then another one said, you've slimmed down a. but that was pretty random, not important, took up 5 seconds of my time xD
Anyways, teachers are being nice to me.
finally? lol.
or maybe I'm just a teacher's pet?
It's ok la, cincai.
Don't scold me can le. I'm so guai. -.-
The things that have been happening around me........
are pretty much unexpected.
In a short month.
I've been through so much.
I've lost a family member,
I've hurt deeply, and vice versa.
I've been really happy.
I've been really sad.
But above all,
I'm tired.
I really need rest.
I wish I could just let go, stop thinking.
and sleep.
I wish money could buy sleep.
I wish I had you around always, so I can hug you to sleep.
I love getting hugs from you.
Well, you're the only perosn I hug anyways <3
mwah.
hug me, im very huggable.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Of all the things I have done. I hope this made you smile.
****AHEMMM****
Relax
The title is not as serious as it sounds la XD
I remember
On
1 June, 2010
I promised to post something here. =)
Hope this could brighten anyone's day.
Have a pleasant visit to the 90s
^^
BABYYY :O
XD
p.s.:
(i)Photo captions are added according to my facial expression. xD
(ii)Photos are added accordingly as I grow.
(iii)There are still hundreds of them -.-
* *shows what I might have said if I could talk :D
Just because my father wanted a son -.-
Relax
The title is not as serious as it sounds la XD
I remember
On
1 June, 2010
I promised to post something here. =)
Hope this could brighten anyone's day.
Have a pleasant visit to the 90s
^^
BABYYY :O
XD
p.s.:
(i)Photo captions are added according to my facial expression. xD
(ii)Photos are added accordingly as I grow.
(iii)There are still hundreds of them -.-
* *shows what I might have said if I could talk :D
Doesn't this wanna make you go... *AWWWWW*? xD bps -.-
Wishing well.
*gasp* I made the wrong wish!
*Don't come any closer, I will lick you*
That is one big cake.
*Mommy please don't leave me with the cake....
I'm afraid it'll eat me*
rawwwrrr
*The return of the type writer monster* xD
When I actually looked like a girl.
Just because my father wanted a son -.-
*evil laaaa*
*eiii, why is my second bday cake so small a?*
epic face xD
*stupid phoneeeee!! workkkkk!!!*
Cousins from my mother's side.
*YUMMY CHICKEN*
-.-
If I failed to make you at least smile...
I will look like this..~
If I did, then..~
=D
Have a great day people!
♥
It is best to love wisely, no doubt.
; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.
Anyhow,
from his responses.
I know he needs space.
Everyone needs time to themselves.
I forgot.
Because my time has been all for him, I forgot that I need to take a break and give him some air.
He needs it.
I need it.
We need it.
I won't give up that easily anymore.
It's foolish to even think about letting go just because of the problems faced.
I sound like a three year old.
Problems won't go away if I don't seize them immediately.
Feelings aside.
They've been nothing but problems.
Disappointed. But,
Feelings will stay at number 2 for now.
Anyhow,
from his responses.
I know he needs space.
Everyone needs time to themselves.
I forgot.
Because my time has been all for him, I forgot that I need to take a break and give him some air.
He needs it.
I need it.
We need it.
I won't give up that easily anymore.
It's foolish to even think about letting go just because of the problems faced.
I sound like a three year old.
Problems won't go away if I don't seize them immediately.
Feelings aside.
They've been nothing but problems.
Disappointed. But,
Feelings will stay at number 2 for now.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Dad
Dad, I've never seen you so mad. Why didn't you just tell me...why did you keep all that shit boiling inside of you?
Pa, I'm not your baby girl anymore.
I'd just stick my middle finger to the world whenever I feel like it. I don't give a damn what people think.
You should know that it takes much more than words to bring me down. Only the people I care about can hurt me.
So pa..You're hurting me if you don't tell me how you feel. Why let it boil inside you?
I may seem immature to you, but you know, YOU out of everyone should know best, that I am not that easy.
I am a thinker in many ways.
I am just too lazy to do anything important.
I'm sorry I let you down. I didn't know it would affect you this much.
I know you've been really good to me for not losing it there and then.
I do not fall to others. Especially... people of such insignificance. Referring to some "bumps" on the road.
They are the least of my concern, and I can tell you that, they are nowhere close to what it takes.
I am that stuck up sometimes.
But you know dad... You know.. I've got friends.
We don't hang much anymore. but they're always there.
Munn is reassuring you that, I'll be ok.
As long as I'm willing, I will still be that silly girl.
But, when it comes a day, I feel that I shouldn't be treating myself this way.
You know what'll happen.
I was told that,
Work,studies should be my top priority instead of my feelings.
I am too sensitive,I was told.
I don't give people much more than a sideways glance,I was told.
I look too deeply into my feelings as I was told.
If I never had feelings,
If I were to be immune to all feelings.
I guess life would be kinda dull. And I wouldn't know how it feels like to hurt, to care, to love.
I learn with every step I take, every move I make.
Every emotion, I remember. I learn.
With every fall, I get stronger.
Pa, it's the art of living.
The loving are the daring.
I dare to risk it, to feel it.
I don't care what the outcome is, chances are that I may get what I deserve one day.
I've never asked for anything in return. I never will.
I like giving. I like seeing people happy.
And for that, I sometimes forget about myself.
Pa, Don't worry. I'll outgrow this.
It's a stage of life. ;)
I'm still growing.
With time, i learn.
I love you for showing that you care.
You were mad at me, because you couldn't stand seeing your daughter like this.
I'm not good at expressing myself face-to-face. I even got in trouble for displaying the wrong facial expression at the wrong time. seriously la FML ==
But I know, I do go with words. Especially when I'm alone.
And when I speak my heart.
I just gotta love, sit, wait and watch.
Pa,
I still rock. ;)
Chillax.
Pa, I'm not your baby girl anymore.
I'd just stick my middle finger to the world whenever I feel like it. I don't give a damn what people think.
You should know that it takes much more than words to bring me down. Only the people I care about can hurt me.
So pa..You're hurting me if you don't tell me how you feel. Why let it boil inside you?
I may seem immature to you, but you know, YOU out of everyone should know best, that I am not that easy.
I am a thinker in many ways.
I am just too lazy to do anything important.
I'm sorry I let you down. I didn't know it would affect you this much.
I know you've been really good to me for not losing it there and then.
I do not fall to others. Especially... people of such insignificance. Referring to some "bumps" on the road.
They are the least of my concern, and I can tell you that, they are nowhere close to what it takes.
I am that stuck up sometimes.
But you know dad... You know.. I've got friends.
We don't hang much anymore. but they're always there.
Munn is reassuring you that, I'll be ok.
As long as I'm willing, I will still be that silly girl.
But, when it comes a day, I feel that I shouldn't be treating myself this way.
You know what'll happen.
I was told that,
Work,studies should be my top priority instead of my feelings.
I am too sensitive,I was told.
I don't give people much more than a sideways glance,I was told.
I look too deeply into my feelings as I was told.
If I never had feelings,
If I were to be immune to all feelings.
I guess life would be kinda dull. And I wouldn't know how it feels like to hurt, to care, to love.
I learn with every step I take, every move I make.
Every emotion, I remember. I learn.
With every fall, I get stronger.
Pa, it's the art of living.
The loving are the daring.
I dare to risk it, to feel it.
I don't care what the outcome is, chances are that I may get what I deserve one day.
I've never asked for anything in return. I never will.
I like giving. I like seeing people happy.
And for that, I sometimes forget about myself.
Pa, Don't worry. I'll outgrow this.
It's a stage of life. ;)
I'm still growing.
With time, i learn.
I love you for showing that you care.
You were mad at me, because you couldn't stand seeing your daughter like this.
I'm not good at expressing myself face-to-face. I even got in trouble for displaying the wrong facial expression at the wrong time. seriously la FML ==
But I know, I do go with words. Especially when I'm alone.
And when I speak my heart.
Treasure the love you receive above all.
It will survive long after your good health has vanished.
It will survive long after your good health has vanished.
I just gotta love, sit, wait and watch.
Pa,
I still rock. ;)
Chillax.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
URBANSCAPES
26/6/2010
A great big day, for someone with a great big heart, with great big dreams waiting to be fulfilled.
Eventhough we've never met. And our chats have been brief, I can see she's one of those people who really cares for the people she loves.
And she never gives up easily.
Her feelings speak through her art,
Simple,
Expressive,
Sophisticated,
Divine,
Beautiful,
Sincere.
In short,
lovely, simply lovely.
All the best to you!
You have my fullest support! ♥
SUPPORT LOZL
Your dream, is near.
A great big day, for someone with a great big heart, with great big dreams waiting to be fulfilled.
Eventhough we've never met. And our chats have been brief, I can see she's one of those people who really cares for the people she loves.
And she never gives up easily.
Her feelings speak through her art,
Simple,
Expressive,
Sophisticated,
Divine,
Beautiful,
Sincere.
In short,
lovely, simply lovely.
All the best to you!
You have my fullest support! ♥
SUPPORT LOZL
Your dream, is near.
**********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*加油!
Zhiling jie =)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
BABEHHHHH PICHASSS
OMG I found a whole album of baby pictures. Hundreds of them!
<3
I've never seen an uglier baby hahahahahahaha -.-
Can't wait till my hunnie comes over for dinner..........
we can look at the ugly baby, together =D
*I can't find my bloody scanner, and this results to a post called baby pictures. Without pictures :) *
God I'm so lame.
L.O.L
*Will upload next time :D I promise*
xo
<3
I've never seen an uglier baby hahahahahahaha -.-
Can't wait till my hunnie comes over for dinner..........
we can look at the ugly baby, together =D
*I can't find my bloody scanner, and this results to a post called baby pictures. Without pictures :) *
God I'm so lame.
L.O.L
*Will upload next time :D I promise
xo
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Love bipolar .... ='(
You asked me ,why did you look so sweet back then? whats wrong with now? I know I don't look as good,energised or maybe even pretty when I was at that moment.
Give me time. All I need, is time.
I try. Each and every day.
I wasn't asked to look like this.
I never wanted to be this way.
I blame myself, and the hatred I have for myself is growing day by day with the pressure I get.
It's time for a drastic change.
~I wanted to tell you why I turned so dark all of a sudden, why I sprained my ankle, and why I look so freaking tired everyday. But...you got mad at me when I told you the reason to the first why. I couldn't continue. You would get mad at me, even more.
You may think I'm stupid for certain reasons. You may think I'm childish.
You may think I'm extremely annoying. You may even feel tired of me.
But.....
Sometimes.... you should see things...deep. And not on the surface. For you may never be able to grasp the real reason.
....
This time, it is I who screwed things up.
No one to blame, but myself.
I should have known better.
I know he doesn't feel the same anymore.
zhe4 gan3 jue2 yi3 jing1 bu2 dui4....
wo3 nu3 li4 zai4 wan2 hui3.
*it's a damn...cold night........*
I looked as you...cycled away.
Give me time. All I need, is time.
I try. Each and every day.
I wasn't asked to look like this.
I never wanted to be this way.
I blame myself, and the hatred I have for myself is growing day by day with the pressure I get.
It's time for a drastic change.
~I wanted to tell you why I turned so dark all of a sudden, why I sprained my ankle, and why I look so freaking tired everyday. But...you got mad at me when I told you the reason to the first why. I couldn't continue. You would get mad at me, even more.
You may think I'm stupid for certain reasons. You may think I'm childish.
You may think I'm extremely annoying. You may even feel tired of me.
But.....
Sometimes.... you should see things...deep. And not on the surface. For you may never be able to grasp the real reason.
....
This time, it is I who screwed things up.
No one to blame, but myself.
I should have known better.
I know he doesn't feel the same anymore.
zhe4 gan3 jue2 yi3 jing1 bu2 dui4....
wo3 nu3 li4 zai4 wan2 hui3.
*it's a damn...cold night........*
I looked as you...cycled away.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Not bad, 2nd post for the day.
Last blog as a 16 year-old.
Turning 17 tomorrow.
Mid-year exam starting tomorrow.
Obviously, I can't study.
Can't really be bothered. I'd rather blog to ease my mind
I could have accepted the many offers to throw me a "Turning 17 birthday BASH" but I turned them down.
Why the hell did I do that?
Easy. I promised a certain someone I won't party,drink,hang out with the Whites.
When did I start to listen to someone? I have no idea.
I could be by the beach, drinking Magarita while having someone barbeque for me.
haix. so retarded.
I still remember a year ago... Mom and Dad brought me to Tao to celebrate my bday.
I looked back. and I realised... I haven't had anyone celebrate my bday with me, except my parents.
This year could have been an exception. But I declined.
Now, talking to myself, writing a blog, bored and warm( the weather kills).
I feel alone.
Like I'm oblivious to the world.
to him.
Sometimes......even someone as strong....as me. Can falter..
I feel like "the darling buds of May" from Sonnet 18.
Only temporary, only for show.
Sick and tired of waiting.
He went...just like that, without even telling me.
Just great. How thoughtful of him.
*Hazel just posted a video on my Facebook profile.... well... All I can say that is.... I look seriously ugly when I cry ='( T_T
haix.. Loves you.
Will be welcoming 17... soon.
Cheers.
I hope I'll be ok <3
All the best to everyone x
Turning 17 tomorrow.
Mid-year exam starting tomorrow.
Obviously, I can't study.
Can't really be bothered. I'd rather blog to ease my mind
I could have accepted the many offers to throw me a "Turning 17 birthday BASH" but I turned them down.
Why the hell did I do that?
Easy. I promised a certain someone I won't party,drink,hang out with the Whites.
When did I start to listen to someone? I have no idea.
I could be by the beach, drinking Magarita while having someone barbeque for me.
haix. so retarded.
I still remember a year ago... Mom and Dad brought me to Tao to celebrate my bday.
I looked back. and I realised... I haven't had anyone celebrate my bday with me, except my parents.
This year could have been an exception. But I declined.
Now, talking to myself, writing a blog, bored and warm( the weather kills).
I feel alone.
Like I'm oblivious to the world.
to him.
Sometimes......even someone as strong....as me. Can falter..
I feel like "the darling buds of May" from Sonnet 18.
Only temporary, only for show.
Sick and tired of waiting.
He went...just like that, without even telling me.
Just great. How thoughtful of him.
*Hazel just posted a video on my Facebook profile.... well... All I can say that is.... I look seriously ugly when I cry ='( T_T
haix.. Loves you.
Will be welcoming 17... soon.
Cheers.
I hope I'll be ok <3
All the best to everyone x
Sarcasm,exuded,extremely evident.
The "sizzle" on the surface is never as important as the "substace" beneath.
Looks aren't everything. With sufficient education and experience. Making your way to the top wouldn't be that hard. Hindrances are inevitable. But well, if you're good enough. You wouldn't be afraid of a little competition by the insignificant minority.Words can bring someone down, but hell...
I'm way past that point.
Numb? yeh i guess so.
Thinking that I'm BETTER than the ppl who have nothing else to do besides critisising? or even TRYING to make someone feel bad?
HELL YEAH I'm so much better than you. And I am proud of it.
Egoistic? to you it may be. To me, that's my pride.
You think I'm vulgar?Well, fuck you.
You think I'm mean? Just because I don't smile at you? Or just because I don't look at you? And you go around telling my....so called other half that I'm rude to you or some similar crap like that? Well do you tell him or rather report to him when I smile at you? When I greet you? No right? Now, move aside.
I don't need someone of the inferior to tell me that.
Hello, I'm Mildred. Mildred Wong. I am NOT your typical chinese girl. So don't expect me to be one.
Because it'll never happen.
I may not be the ideal girlfriend.
I may not have the ideal looks.
I may not be as pretty or as petite as the people around.
I may have even made someone feel bad just because of how I look.
I'm seriously wondering if they've seen through me? well of course not, i don't even know them
LOL what a joke. You make fun of people because of how they look.
Will you shut up once you hear me talk? Once I get serious and really speak my mind?
Would you want to swallow back the words you purged out of fun?
Trust me.
You'll never get the chance. Because, you're just not worthy of even talking to me.
Stuck up? Well, I have the reasons to be.
Try catching up. I don't mind you trying.
I'm so haughty at times. I just love it.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Still holding on...
to a thin thread of hope.
Still hoping that MAYBE I might forget and forgive.
I thought today was the day to make everything right. Was even sure that we would be like before. Talked nicely. Even flashed my million-dollar smile at him.
But screw me, I had to be so sensitive.
The pleasantness,happiness,contentment lasted not more than an hour.
I tried to forget. I really did. But I had to walk over and feel the pain all over again. ='(
Life isn't being really nice to me at this moment.
I find my comfort in the folds of a tissue paper. I seek refuge under the sheets curled up in a bundle,crying myself to sleep. I have no one to turn to right now.
My used to be good friend.. isn't talking to me.
No one is.
I can't let my parents know...how torn I am.
They'd be crushed...broken... to find out how hurt their daughter is.
I love them too much to let them worry.
I keep wondering to myself...
God... wtF did I do wrong to deserve what I'm going through now.
Why can't I be good enough.
Why am I not good enough.
I may be. But I just don't feel it.
In time, I might understand.
But for now, I just hope for the best.
One way or another.
Because...
This isn't right anymore.
Still hoping that MAYBE I might forget and forgive.
I thought today was the day to make everything right. Was even sure that we would be like before. Talked nicely. Even flashed my million-dollar smile at him.
But screw me, I had to be so sensitive.
The pleasantness,happiness,contentment lasted not more than an hour.
I tried to forget. I really did. But I had to walk over and feel the pain all over again. ='(
Life isn't being really nice to me at this moment.
I find my comfort in the folds of a tissue paper. I seek refuge under the sheets curled up in a bundle,crying myself to sleep. I have no one to turn to right now.
My used to be good friend.. isn't talking to me.
No one is.
I can't let my parents know...how torn I am.
They'd be crushed...broken... to find out how hurt their daughter is.
I love them too much to let them worry.
I keep wondering to myself...
God... wtF did I do wrong to deserve what I'm going through now.
Why can't I be good enough.
Why am I not good enough.
I may be. But I just don't feel it.
In time, I might understand.
But for now, I just hope for the best.
One way or another.
Because...
This isn't right anymore.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Sometimes I ask for too much, but that's just how I roll.
2010 WISH LIST~
1. Nike Lunarlites. (I prefer it with colours...hmm depends)
2. Oakley polarized sunglasses
(Polarized Oil Rig)
3. Timepieces (awww couple watches ♥)
4. Wallet/Purse whatever (As long as I like it)
5. Books (anything except text books)
6. Another " da tou tie" session with lovey. ♥
7. Play golf with pa.
8. Fulfill the deal I made with Jien ( I know I will and I can =DDDDDD )
9. I wish the clothes in my wardrobe sized L and above would transform into Ms. ;]
10. I wish I could fight the temptation I have for the Internet and go study for once.
11. I wish I knew what I had done wrong to make BZen ignore me
12. I wish that my dear Hazel would stop...... =(
13. I wish I could sleep the whole night through without waking up.
14. I wish I knew my direction in life.
15. I wish I could read his mind.
16. I wish....that I don't feel so empty...
17. I wish to see my mother more often.
18. I wish I was better
I will make you proud.
And that's not a wish, that is a statement which will come true. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
I just hate looking at my baby pictures. It reminds me of what I've grown into.
And
How long I have been just waiting for time to pass me by and not do a thing.
Looking at Hazel's pictures makes me think of my primary school years. It's a beautiful gift meeting her. =')
And I feel honored to be even a tiny part of her life. <3
Looking at our pictures...
Warms me. Like the sun on my up-turn face.
Thrills me. Like I'm in the midst of cliff-diving.
Soothes me. Like putting out the fire in me.
Calms me. Like when I'm by the beach.
I wish you feel the same.
I just love how much we have changed throughout the years.
Hazel <3
Mbf ♥
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Deeply...wrecked.
I always hated Mondays. It's most of the time the most cranky day of the week.
5-4-2010 [78]
Shit happens to me.
I can't think right at the moment. In fact, I cannot think at all. I'm just typing out whatever the hell I'm thinking. This is probably the most shallow post I'll ever be making.
I can't feel my swollen knuckles, neither can I feel my legs. It's like I'm crippled. But I can feel my heart... slowly ripping apart. Leaving me hurt,cold....It's a kind of pain which I cannot describe.
Up to this point, I cannot believe the series of events that took place today... I was pretty OK as I started the day. But, nothing I did went right. Everything took it's toll on me. I'm dead tired from the sleepless nights. Mbf wasn't in a good mood. I found out that I had to take part in the debate competition the following day against JSHS. GOD of all the schools, why give us the best? damn it. I am not prepared to say the least.
But despite everything that's so screwed up today, I still effortlessly smiled at lovey. He was the one...That kept me sane. But not for long. It didn't last. not even close to long enough.
Everything was going just as bad as everything was... I couldn't believe how heavy my eyelids were. Actually fell asleep during history. After history, I had to go to the washroom...so.. i thought of taking a glance at lovey. When I reached the back door of his class, I didn't see him at his place. Curious, I scrutinized.Trying very hard to find him. I wanted to walk off. But at my last glance into the classroom. I saw him. sitting at some other person's place. facing a pretty girl and teaching her math. I saw how happy he was. How not tied down he was. How... free. I thought he was having a bad day. He didn't really have the mood to talk to me. But he seemed happy with his friends. Friends and not his best friend. I wanted to walk away. But he saw me, tailed me to the stairs and gave up coz I wasn't really responding. Asked him to go and I walked away.
I...don't wanna remember what happened after all that. Until dismissal. Until... Now.
I hate myself for having photographic memory. I see, I feel the scenes, the painful, excruciating flashbacks that keep replaying in my mind. Slowly driving me insane.
I was... and am pissed at myself.
For my actions.
For pushing him away.
For not trying to talk to him.
For whatever the hell that I have done wrong.
For not being honest enough to tell him what's wrongFor not being considerate enough to NOT hurt the person I love so dearly.
For not being a good girlfriend.
And for not being good enough for once.
And for being such a royal bitch that's oversensitive and lets the rage of jealousy take over.
If I could turn back time, I would go back and slap myself so hard I hope I couldn't talk anymore.
I thought today was the end for both of us.
But... No.
I got a second chance to make things right.
I swear. I'll try my best.
I had a facebook test once when I was bored.
It was about how i was gonna die.
It's ridiculous. But I needed something to kill time.
The result was.. drowning.
Weird that I didn't feel eerie about it. I spend most of my time underwater,thinking. Was the least surprised when I saw the test results.
My tears are dry. My knuckles are swollen. I'm so tired...but I can't sleep.
Plans for tomorrow: School-Jit Sin-Home-Swimming Pool.
Yes, I'm going swimming on a school day. I'll swim so hard,
I wanna feel my lungs burn and my chest exploding.
I don't really care what'll happen. I'm going alone. I refuse the company of anyone.
I refuse any sign of aid. I think better when I'm alone. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
='(
5-4-2010 [78]
Shit happens to me.
I can't think right at the moment. In fact, I cannot think at all. I'm just typing out whatever the hell I'm thinking. This is probably the most shallow post I'll ever be making.
I can't feel my swollen knuckles, neither can I feel my legs. It's like I'm crippled. But I can feel my heart... slowly ripping apart. Leaving me hurt,cold....It's a kind of pain which I cannot describe.
Up to this point, I cannot believe the series of events that took place today... I was pretty OK as I started the day. But, nothing I did went right. Everything took it's toll on me. I'm dead tired from the sleepless nights. Mbf wasn't in a good mood. I found out that I had to take part in the debate competition the following day against JSHS. GOD of all the schools, why give us the best? damn it. I am not prepared to say the least.
But despite everything that's so screwed up today, I still effortlessly smiled at lovey. He was the one...That kept me sane. But not for long. It didn't last. not even close to long enough.
Everything was going just as bad as everything was... I couldn't believe how heavy my eyelids were. Actually fell asleep during history. After history, I had to go to the washroom...so.. i thought of taking a glance at lovey. When I reached the back door of his class, I didn't see him at his place. Curious, I scrutinized.Trying very hard to find him. I wanted to walk off. But at my last glance into the classroom. I saw him. sitting at some other person's place. facing a pretty girl and teaching her math. I saw how happy he was. How not tied down he was. How... free. I thought he was having a bad day. He didn't really have the mood to talk to me. But he seemed happy with his friends. Friends and not his best friend. I wanted to walk away. But he saw me, tailed me to the stairs and gave up coz I wasn't really responding. Asked him to go and I walked away.
I...don't wanna remember what happened after all that. Until dismissal. Until... Now.
I hate myself for having photographic memory. I see, I feel the scenes, the painful, excruciating flashbacks that keep replaying in my mind. Slowly driving me insane.
I was... and am pissed at myself.
For my actions.
For pushing him away.
For not trying to talk to him.
For whatever the hell that I have done wrong.
For not being honest enough to tell him what's wrongFor not being considerate enough to NOT hurt the person I love so dearly.
For not being a good girlfriend.
And for not being good enough for once.
And for being such a royal bitch that's oversensitive and lets the rage of jealousy take over.
If I could turn back time, I would go back and slap myself so hard I hope I couldn't talk anymore.
I thought today was the end for both of us.
But... No.
I got a second chance to make things right.
I swear. I'll try my best.
I had a facebook test once when I was bored.
It was about how i was gonna die.
It's ridiculous. But I needed something to kill time.
The result was.. drowning.
Weird that I didn't feel eerie about it. I spend most of my time underwater,thinking. Was the least surprised when I saw the test results.
My tears are dry. My knuckles are swollen. I'm so tired...but I can't sleep.
Plans for tomorrow: School-Jit Sin-Home-Swimming Pool.
Yes, I'm going swimming on a school day. I'll swim so hard,
I wanna feel my lungs burn and my chest exploding.
I don't really care what'll happen. I'm going alone. I refuse the company of anyone.
I refuse any sign of aid. I think better when I'm alone. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
='(
Saturday, April 3, 2010
For Love is Immortality
as time passes,there is no doubt that the fresh feeling of love,no matter how besotted you were at the start, will slowly but certainly fade.
And one of the two will feel left out, will feel that things have changed, that the affection is no longer there.
And you wish you didn't get into a relationship as it has wore you out physically and emotionally.
And you're tired of trying your best just for him..
Constantly thinking of a way to rekindle a mere flame which was once a raging fire..
Often envious of other girls who seem oh-so-perfect.
..........................................................................
A contented mind is a perpetual feast.
The mind and soul matures as we go through different stages of life.
Time has taught us so much. Time helps wash away the painful memories and dreadful tears a person has cried.
Never missed.
Never to be thought of again.
All the negativity should be left in the cold lonely depths of the deepest abyss of the ocean.
Life's too short, to cling on to the past.
More often than not, you want to think logically and accept the fact that what you once had is gone, but your heart... your silly sensitive heart thinks otherwise.
FORGIVE,FORGET.
Easier said that done.
But not impossible =)
The beauty of life is seen most evidently when the most unforgettable and enjoyable moments of your life are shared with people you love. Whether you're bungee jumping off the Grand Canyon or watching the sunrise at the Himalayas, or even when you're cuddled up all snuggly and warm under the sheets with your love while watching a movie, CARPE DIEM, seize the moment. Live in the too-short moments that take your breath away.
Love with all your heart :)
You'll never know what might happen, love whenever you get the chance. No one stays forever. This is the cruel hard fact.
It feels great to have done something with all your heart and soul and have people complimenting you. And when people criticize, its just as amazing. You just have to see the beauty of sarcasm ;)
Lastly, Love is the closest thing to magic.
Whether it's between family members, best friends, lovers or just friends.
The bond is there.
Z.Ling Jie, a person with brains and sheer determination like you can overcome anything that comes in your way, I have faith in you. You can de! :]
mbf, need I say more? =')
Monday, February 15, 2010
Little bits here and there.
January ♥
1/1/2010
Dad drove us to Gurney just to get ONE miserable story book I've been looking for since I saw it when I went out with Hazel in December. I got it and was happy.
Tennyson by Lesley M.M Blume.
~~~~~~~~~
School reopened on the 4th of January......
Everything seemed the same. But I knew it wasn't. The boy who calls me his best friend wasn't in the same class with me anymore... And I kept looking...well... staring blankly at where he used to sit... Actually missing the times we spent together in 2009. 4S1. I miss the times when someone would randomly run their fingers through my hair,slowly tangling them, I would smack whoever did that to me. But when it was his, my frown slowly turned into a smile =)
7/1/2010
Went to Eileen's place, hung out there for the whole afternoon until she was ready to push off to the airport in the evening...
Felt so empty when I left her place. A real bucket of joy that girl =D
Will miss her LOADS.
8/1/2010 He,asked my number from me as he lost his phone last December. He, called me the apple of his eye. But most importantly.. He, made a big difference this day.
9/1/2010 ♥
I don't remember much about this day.. Because all I know is that...
I started something new for the both of us.
I accepted him as MBF. He wasn't my best friend anymore.. instead he was my boyfriend.
24/1/2010
Went to the library with him. ^^
Pretty cool hanging out with him.
Went through the shelves and saw a book about dreams and how they can be interpreted. It was interesting.
Trying to be optimistic... I leave out every single thing that had pained or hurt me.
I'd rather live and feed on the beautiful memories rather than slowly dying from the agony I get every time I think of bad,bad things.
1/1/2010
Dad drove us to Gurney just to get ONE miserable story book I've been looking for since I saw it when I went out with Hazel in December. I got it and was happy.
Tennyson by Lesley M.M Blume.
~~~~~~~~~
School reopened on the 4th of January......
Everything seemed the same. But I knew it wasn't. The boy who calls me his best friend wasn't in the same class with me anymore... And I kept looking...well... staring blankly at where he used to sit... Actually missing the times we spent together in 2009. 4S1. I miss the times when someone would randomly run their fingers through my hair,slowly tangling them, I would smack whoever did that to me. But when it was his, my frown slowly turned into a smile =)
7/1/2010
Went to Eileen's place, hung out there for the whole afternoon until she was ready to push off to the airport in the evening...
Felt so empty when I left her place. A real bucket of joy that girl =D
Will miss her LOADS.
8/1/2010 He,asked my number from me as he lost his phone last December. He, called me the apple of his eye. But most importantly.. He, made a big difference this day.
9/1/2010 ♥
I don't remember much about this day.. Because all I know is that...
I started something new for the both of us.
I accepted him as MBF. He wasn't my best friend anymore.. instead he was my boyfriend.
24/1/2010
Went to the library with him. ^^
Pretty cool hanging out with him.
Went through the shelves and saw a book about dreams and how they can be interpreted. It was interesting.
Trying to be optimistic... I leave out every single thing that had pained or hurt me.
I'd rather live and feed on the beautiful memories rather than slowly dying from the agony I get every time I think of bad,bad things.
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