My Facebook status

Under the starry moonlit sky we sat,
Rekindled a passion that was almost flat.

I stare at you reminiscing the time we met,
Listening to you ratter-tat-tat,
And not forgetting the significance of my SAT,
My past, present, future tangled in a dense net,
Making me who I am, and that's what you get.

Then a rascal, a so called pet,
Came up with the yearn of a pat,
Soon turned into a cheeky 'rat'.

Thus ended our little chat.
Though a lil' too soon I bet.

But above all, at least I had my heart, and my mind set.




I love how my life has settled in a very subtle and comfortable way. Though I thought a lot of things would change, I stand corrected.
I value the insignificant moments which made us who we are today.
And life's too short for me to look back, regret and fret.

With this I extinguish the hatred I had.

"Words of widsom"

I sincerely wish to share 'my' words of wisdom to every one out there.
An obvious hint to one of my most fluently spoken 'language'




So listen up.










LIFE IS NOT fucking FAIR









You can do whatever you want in life, you just gotta have these words carved right onto your skull.
And not forgetting,
EVERYTHING YOU DO HAS ITS CONSEQUENCE.
Whatever way, it ain't smooth sailin'








Just be prepared for whatever shit people might give you.
People: Humans considered as a group or in indefinite numbers

By that I mean whoever you can think of that has successfully pissed you off and you feel like just giving them a knock out punch in the face.

Almost there...almost..

It was just like yesterday... In that moment in time.

When I counted the footsteps you took while you walked away..

I counted them as my vision blurred and my whole world collapsed. The pain was indescribable.. because I felt something different. I knew you were never ever gonna look back. That was the only thing I was certain of, the rest were all obscure.

It's funny how certain people, certain gestures can trigger a long buried memory in an isolated part of my thoughts, in the abyss of absolute insanity and heartbreak. I thought I could never feel again since they were too severely scarred, too brutally beaten and trampled upon. Because when you've got nothing to lose, what else can bring you lower?

I've read from many melodramatic love stories that one counts the days till the one they love returns.

gosh, no wonder I never fancied romance. 

It portrays a facade for false hope. 

I never had faith, neither have I had hope because some things are beyond the means of patching up.

Sometimes time just helps either one wash everything clean, leaving that part of them behind for good. 

But in the back of my mind I still wonder if people still catch glimpses of a certain person when they see, hear or feel something familiar.  Guess this is a question no one would be able to answer.

Add on.

If the present is so great and the future is glorious, why the hell do people linger in the past? Why do people still try to keep in touch with the past? 

To me, if one focuses too much on the past, we might lose something we currently have. So why take the risk?

But well, it's always up to ourselves to decide, to judge and act wisely according to the circumstances.

rawr =.=

Fate has a very funny way in conveying messages, or is it life?  ah screw that.

I've been quite vexed with life recently, not to say everything is going downhill.. but it's so annoying at times.

Let's see... how do I put

- my best friend HaYu has his period every once in a while and gives me the cold shoulder for two weeks after that.

- Jo sticks to me like glue and talks about stuff I have no interest in whatsoever. 

- My grades suck, I'm slacking in college.

- I have problems remembering facts as easy as I could before.

- Chuan sometimes pressures me.

- I hardly have any true friends, not like I need them anyway, but it's nice to know you've got friends for you.

- My future is a blur to me.

- I lack inspiration and motivation.

- I think I misplaced my iPod.

- I hate math so much now, have got nothing against Joey, but I still freaking hate math.

- I have lost passion in bio

- My chem lecturer doesn't give a shit.

- I don't have a life.

- I want my privacy back.

- I lack money to use at times and have to resort to using my ATM. wtf at this.

- I have got broke ass men trying to ask me out, another wtf. 

- I think I have gained weight.

- I have got problems sleeping.

- Some people just don't know how to back off when I'm already so freaking irritated. 

I cannot seem to put all these into feelings. I'm too lazy and I don't think it's humanly possible. I'm probably partially deranged by now. piece of shit.

I sometimes wonder wth I'm doing in college if this is what colleges offer.

Me feeling vexed is an understatement.

For the first time

have I ever felt so miserable...

It's just an exam, no big deal...right?
Surprisingly...
it means everything to me now.
Exams were never one of my concern, so why now?
I've come to a point in life where I am clear of what I want, the outcome of me doing something great and getting something great in return for my family and myself. The only confusion and doubt is that what the hell can I do which is so great? What the hell can I do since my dream is so far away at this point of time.
What the hell can I do...when I'm not good enough?

I've done too many stupid things, had too many unnecessary regrets, wasted too much time on things which will never contribute to what I want in life.
Regrets are for losers, I am a winner but I've lost too much.

Time is still on my side. My whole family supports me. They wipe my tears away, they help me back on my two crippled feet, crippled from the mistakes I've made.


But what I really feel deep down inside...

I know bitterly,

I am no one.
But a complete failure.
I'm sorry I've never made you guys proud,  




I rest my case.

突然

I'm probably writing this on impulse, but I suppose if I put my thoughts into words, I'd feel much better...
I just had biology lab in the morning from 8-10, and after snacking on my home made sushi, I made my way to the library. Due to lack of sleep since Thursday night, fatigue takes over, I dozed off.
I was woken up abruptly by a buzz on my phone. And then when I looked up.. I saw someone wearing this very familiar shirt.
One that reminded me immediately of you.
He was siting just two tables opposite, with one arm over his girlfriend.
This brought me way back in time, and somehow ( I was probably hallucinating ) I caught a distinct scent of you.
And it exuded overwhelmingly vibrant nostalgia..
It brought me back to January 2010.

While I was indulging in the good times, I caught myself staring into blank air again. Thinking about something which would never ever come back.
I snapped out of it. But still, I have a confession to make.


I moved on. I'm living the life right now.

But I can never forget the way you made me feel.

The way we fit perfectly in each others arms.

Continued

I know it has been months since I updated this blog. Forgive me for not keeping my promise =)
And I'm pretty sure practically every one has forgotten about 'the wallet incident' which I was ranting about in the previous post.

And to add on to this irritating fact that my wallet was not only stolen! It was stolen by 'a ghost'.
tsk. The stories people make up JUST TO MAKE ME BELIEVE that a freaking poltergeist or some demonic crap like that took my wallet.
oh damn! And it seems like I'm staying in a haunted hostel unit! Apparently a girl hung herself, or jumped down the building from my floor ( the 11th floor ).
Oh and how you claimed that your friends conveniently saw 'toyols' ( A type of Malay ghost ) using the lift.
*smacks head*   I really wonder why do I even know these people. JEEZUS o.o
Dear manager of the hostel, PLEASE I repeat PLEASE put me in the same unit as people who have the same intelligence level.
Yours sincerely,
A ghost-buster named Mildred Wong

No seriously -__- Ghosts? *rolls eyes*
These gestures do not mean I do not believe in the supernatural, the funny fact is I do. And unfortunately to the 'ghosts who stole my wallet', I'm well read about the ghastly ghouls, which means I know much more than you do, and whatever crap you're telling me is completely a lie, chains of lies as a matter of fact.
First of all, DO NOT LIE.   You'll need shit loads of lies to cover just ONE LIE. And eventually, every thing will unveil, unravel themselves. THE SAME GOES TO STEALING.

Anyhow, I'm not gonna waste my precious time thinking about this anymore. It doesn't make me any smarter nor does it make me any richer. So Imma just drop it. And for those who are curious, yes indeed, it was an 'inside job'.
Bravo to the one comment on blogger who got it right! You're brilliant lol
And the people who sent me messages through facebook, yeahh good good, at least you know how it goes =3

Thank you for participating in my lil rant and actually evaluating the whole situation and voice out your point of view.
I appreciate that =)
Have a great weekend!

RANT

First of all, I want to apologise for not updating my blog for quite some time.
I was pretty busy with life and everything.

Most of the time, my blog contains thoughts, whether sentimental or just feelings, I would put them in a very polite and sensitive way as to avoid hurting any one's feelings.
Yes, I am very considerate and co-operative. (MOST OF THE TIME)

This time, I won't hide a single thing.

Now I'm living in a shitty hostel with 2 other housemates, well let's just say I'm not very fond of this kind of people.  Before coming home, I stayed there for 2 weeks straight..  and JUST BEFORE COMING HOME,
I realised some random fucker took my wallet!

On Thursday night which is on the 24th of Feb, I still clearly remember I had my wallet with me. IN MY ROOM, ON MY DAMN TABLE after going out for dinner.
It was quite a long day for me, was extremely exhausted so I dosed off while lying on my bed listening to Yiruma. I'm grateful I didn't turn off the alarm that morning as I slept like a log until Friday morning.

All hell broke loose when I woke up, I realised I haven't organised my bag, my clothes everything! I hastily shoved the books in my bag, took a shower, dressed up and left for college.
And it was until I reached college that I realised I forgot to bring my wallet. My heart dropped but the thought of me having my wallet on the table did not make me so anxious. So I went about college having the left over bread ( they're still in packets, so the bread won't go bad so easily ) I normally put in my bag.
I was in college from 7.40 am- 4.15 pm until my parents fetched me from college back to my hostel.

When I went back to my hostel, I did some cleaning up, for laundry etc. etc. and then I realised something missing. Yes, it's obvious my wallet wasn't there. You can call me disorganised, untidy or whatever the fuck you wanna call me. But I WILL NOT LOSE MY WALLET. I had a three week supply of cash, a credit card, and other privilege cards, I even had a 10 Ringgit heart shaped origami which has adorned my wallet for the past 4 years, so it is valuable to me. IT WAS.

Imagine how I felt when I couldn't find it. The first thing that flashed through my mind? Flashes of me still holding my wallet. Yes, I was very sure I had my wallet in my room, and my room door was LOCKED.

I pictured myself walking out of my unit towards the lift, down to the ground floor, to the side door and to the shuttle. Sounds quite a distance ay? But actually it's not. So, how could it be that I myself did not realise my wallet dropping out of my pants? I wasn't listening to the iPod, I wasn't running, I didn't hear a thud which indicated that the wallet slipped out of my pants' pocket.
But after talking to mom and dad, reasoning and everything I actually considered myself accidentally dropping it somewhere. ( Even though it was close to impossible )

I search my room frantically, but to no avail.
I was nauseous due to my hunger and the heat radiated from the source of light and heat of our solar system. -.-
The feeling inside was so sickening it made me feel faint. I was disappointed with myself and hungry at the same time. Sounds like the perfect recipe to cook up an angry lady right? I wasn't angry, I was just in rage =)
I made a call to the management to inform them that my wallet was lost. And barred the credit card.
I didn't expect much because all I knew at that point of time was that my wallet is gone.

We drove back to BM, went to BandaPerda Police station. Fuckers were talking more than working, I even heard them talking about Facebook?!? like wtf? We tax payers PAY YOU TO WORK, and you waste time talking about Facebook and listening to songs, there were like 4 stations and only 1 is functioning? The reason? Network is down. OK FINE, network down? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you NEED the Internet connection to type a fucking report? Brainless bitches.

My parents were displeased with their service and working attitude, "tunggu sampai boleh gunalah" which means 'wait for it until the network is fixed' in malay. We stood up and left. Well of course, with me cursing everything in my way. I felt like slamming their faces into the freaking huge ass monitor. Ask us to wait while you talk about everything except what you're paid to do? Go fuck yourselves, cheeeeeeebyeeeee.

I'll just skip the minor parts like how I almost couldn't walk because I lack heaps of energy, I felt disabled, and how I ravenously gobbled down my dinner, fetched my dear sister to tuition and stuff like that.

THEN I went to MachangBubok police station, it wasn't as grand as the previous one. But all I can say is, the policewoman was quite efficient, QUITE. Took 50 minutes to 1 hour of my time to finish the report. Well at least all she did was work. Our country seriously need more people like her. Really, no joke. I would be glad to pay my taxes if these people really do their job WELL.

So by the time I finished doing the report and everything, I've already lost hope in finding my wallet back.
Though I was still very doubtful I dropped it.
I even wrote on FB :  Stealing is a very despicable act, whoever you are, fuck you.
See? I even had a hunch shortly after the incident that someone went into my room and took it. But I'm not mentioning names.

I was facebooking and on skype with Dy when a housemate of mine facebook-chat me, asking me if I found my wallet or not, you dumb fuck how could I find my wallet back here when I 'lost' my wallet in that unit?
Anyway, I just didn't feel the sincerity AT ALL, who 'cheers' someone up by saying hey I lost my Rm 10 the night before as well. Like the fuck I care? What are you trying to tell me? That there's a fucking ghost in the unit that goes around taking money and wallets? And don't try to tell me like you're accusing me. Who in the damn world are you kidding? I don't need to do something so low. I'm Mildred Wong. I don't even want to step into your filthy room. You people disgust me. =)

So, a miracle happened like 45 minutes later like 11.30 pm, another housemate of mine called me, saying: Mildred, I've got good news for you! The morning-shift guard found your wallet somewhere and passed your wallet to the night-shift guard while she passed your wallet to me while I was hanging my clothes for drying.
I didn't say much, but I did ask where they found it, they said it was found downstairs aka the ground floor. And just a sarcastic thank you.


I am mean right?  Hold your thoughts.
Why did I use sarcasm? WHY?
You guys wanna know?
Comment me why you think I used sarcasm.
A new post will be up soon.

Do participate and anticipate.

My dear friend

I thought of doing long, happy posts during the holidays.
To make up for what I've not been updating.

But all of a sudden, out of the blue,
You told me that the bond between us isn't strong enough.
Surprisingly, the words cut deeper than I thought.
I don't know what to say...you got me speechless, but still I admire your straightforwardness.
I adore you for your unique personality and ability in probably everything, you weren't my best friend yet, but certainly you already had a place in my heart. Even though what you said blew me away. You even made me tear up. But sometimes, crying makes me realise exactly how much I appreciate your presence, and how lucky I am to have met someone as great as you.

As much as I hate how this bothers me, I sincerely hope there is a way to save this friendship. I may be no one or just a mere friend to you, but just reviewing back from now to the first day I met you, you really are someone whom I wish could stay. You really are someone. =)
But..for the time being, I can just wait and hope. But if it doesn't resolve.....
Then, I wouldn't pursue it any further, and let time and fate do the job.
I just hope... that it wouldn't have to be that way.


I don't wanna lose anyone, anymore.

New life

=)
A short, sweet post xD
College soon.

I will miss my family and friends, dearly.
Even though I'm not really far from home. The place I'd be at still won't be home... Not without you guys.
Loads of stuff happening lately.
Got really awesome presents from friends who went for trips =)
THANK YOU PEOPLE! <3
Had movie day with my homies! :D  Mikey, Pay and Heng! :)
Chilled with Andy for 2 days in a week? lol   MOVIEEEEEE :D
fyi., I don't quite like The Tourist :P

Have been eating heap loads...
Which means TWO things for me---
ONE- I'm happy, therefore I'm eating a lot.
TWO- I have to start working out like mad and start losing weight D:

So much for New Year's resolutions ><
FAIL for now x) isshhh :P

I'm giving this post an abrupt ending =P
Suddenly lost the mood to blog any further.

OH I just realised it's the ninth! =O
Time flies =)
meh xD

All the best to everyone!! =D

31/12/2010

Back by popular demand? x)

So today is officially the last day of 2010. 

I would like to sum up everything that has happened! ...but you know I'm only human and that is IMPOSSIBLE!
I'll probably split the post into 3 parts  lol ><

I'll start with the various feelings. It's easier to say in mandarin which is 甜酸苦辣..

But it'll try to keep it as "english" as possible.  -_-

I've been through a lot in this year, well I'm pretty sure everyone has their story to tell, but this would probably be mostly about me. Well, this IS my blog aye? =)

I'll start from really bad, sickening feelings to the happiest moments of this year.  2010!

Hurt.

I'm pretty sure everyone has been through hurt more or less in a year. 

Whether you lost someone you love, your best friend, relative...

I'm pretty sure no one wants anyone they love to leave, but sometimes it's life and it's inevitable that time does it's job. And no matter how much you want time to turn back.. the person you love is already six feet below. What's left is the beautiful memories you once had with that loved one.

Well, this is a kind of hurt, which everyone does NOT want to go through...

I went through hurt over and over again. At certain times, I still pine, deep down inside .. pining for their return, longing to have maybe JUST another day, for me to spend with them and tell them how I really feel inside.. and how I love them.

If only I had another day...

Anxiety.
When I was studying for the SPM.
I don't know about you guys. But I normally only feel pressured a day or two before the actual examination =\
Yeah, I'm lazy. x)  I won't disagree.
But the anxiety normally occurs after I've passed up my paper -__- oh the irony ><

Fear.
When I knew something was not right in several events.
The fear of losing someone. The fear of failing a test. The fear of disappointing my parents. The fear of injuries.


Happy, joyful.
When I am happy, I would put on the brightest smile on my face. I looked back and realised. I didn't capture down many of such moments. =)  Or rather, the things that really made me smile has faded from my memory, pale as ink.. Right now, no matter how I think back of certain events... I don't seem to feel flattered or happy anymore, well maybe it was because more poison was spilled on the beautiful, fragile memory.. was too much to even taste the sweetness anymore.
I found refuge with my gang, my buddies, my homies!
I went out with them, had group studies with them, chatted with them and I didn't care whether they treated me more to a brother rather than just a female friend! Well, these people officially changed my mundane routine and slowly but certainly dragged me out from..hell =)
And never leaving out my family, for they have supported me throughout whatever and showed me undying love.

I'm pretty sure everyone loves surprises, gifts or anything like that. =)
I've got loads of presents this year. I've met amazing, wonderful people, and that to me already is a great gift!
I've even teared up just looking at what people wrote to me, how they feel about me, in facebook, in their blogs, wherever =)  They sincerely touched me with their truthful words, I didn't feel a hint of sarcasm at all! x)

To sum up 2010 in words,
It was an amazing year overall. I've learned many many many things through experience.. it doesn't feel good at all. But at least it has made a permanent mark which would constantly remind me to set my priorities straight! =)   I never regretted anything, and hopefully I won't. You've probably heard this a million times but, I truly understand the definition of "life goes on"..for time waits for no man. And, if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself.
I apologise if I have ever crossed you in anyway in 2010.
And to the haters, if you don't like me, you can just tick off =)  Your face just hurts my eyes.

Well, thank you everyone! =P

Happy New Year =) 
2011!!  

♥

I ended 2010 well! ♥ I might as well start 2011 even better ;)